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Like the late Rodney Dangerfield, you may sometimes find that you 'don't get no respect.' In Rodney's comedy routine, disrespect was amusing. But in real life it fills us with indignation. Our typical response is sarcasm or avoidance. Has such a reaction EVER made a difference in getting more respect from others? I doubt it. Today I'm going to show you a better way to deal with disrespectful people who irk you, frustrate you, and drain you of energy. HERE'S THE SECRET: When someone gets under your skin, do them a small favor or give them a small token gift. Here are some real-life examples: * A divorced man, whose ex-wife played power games by impeding his relationship with the children, decided to try the small favor route. One day when he picked up the kids from her house he brought her a quart of gourmet-grade cherries. 'I was at the farmer's market and saw these cherries, which I recall were one of your favorite treats,' he said casually. 'I know the market is far from your house, so I figured as long as I'm going to stop by here anyway, I would bring you a few.' * An employee whose boss was hypercritical made a point of bringing her a copy of a magazine article on antiques, a subject that the employee knew was the boss's hobby. As the employee walked by her desk he stopped briefly and gave her the article. 'I read this piece in Newsweek last night, and thought I'd bring it in just in case you hadn't seen it,' he said nonchalantly. * A college student happened to be in the vicinity of a classmate who had participated in spreading a rumor about her. The classmate had just exclaimed that her cell phone battery was dead. The student pulled her own phone from her pocket and offered, 'Here. Go ahead and use mine.' In all the above examples, the recipients of the gift or favor reacted with a puzzled expression, but nevertheless accepted the gesture. In two of the situations the recipients became more friendly later on. (Unfortunately, the hypercritical boss did not, but that's a subject for another article.) When you first try the gift/favor approach, it won't feel right at all. The immature recesses of your mind (what I call the 'inner brat') will NOT want to do it. It may even scold you for kissing up to someone who treated you with disrespect. But your inner brat doesn't realize that you are not kissing up. You are taking charge, choosing to rise above the other person's hostility. This is the mark of a mature person, something the inner brat can't understand. Here are some tips to make the gift/favor strategy even more powerful: 1. You don't have to act right away -- in fact sometimes it's more effective when you wait a while. 2. The gift or the favor must be very small. If it's too lavish, the other person might consider it a bribe or a manipulation. In the earlier example of the ex-wife, suppose the man had brought her some expensive perfume. In that case she could have easily assumed that he was just trying to control her. 3. Any favors that you do for this purpose must appear casual and incidental. Note that the man with the cherries told his ex that he noticed them while he was shopping at the farmer's market. He gave them to her at the same time that he was picking up his kids. He didn't make any special trips. When you present token gifts in such a casual manner, the recipient is less likely to feel manipulated. 4. Use this approach sparingly. If you do it too often, you may be viewed as patronizing or 'kissing up.' It's better to save it for infrequent little surprises. As I mentioned earlier, this approach does not work 100% of the time. But even when it doesn't, you can still reap a benefit. Because you choose to respond with kindness and consideration, you will remain calmer and feel more in control over the situation. And, as an added bonus, you may find that you are not so annoyed by the other person after all!
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Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Setting Yourself Up For Success Most people want to be successful in life. But success can mean different things to different people: making more money; spending quality time with your family; or learning to play a musical instrument.Since success is personal, defining what it means for you is the first step to achieving it. Once you are clear about what success looks like for you, here are some important points to help you achieve it.Steps to Success1. Know your Potential: In … 2. My Story Part 2 After reading my last addition to goarticles.com I told a story about my break-up. The one person in my life that hurt me by dumping me cause he needed space! This is my other part. My break-up happened on Tuesday night. He then went out on Wednesday night and snogged some other guy, cause he thought I was going to do it. I NEVER did. I kept faithfull even though we were seperated and single, I thought it was respectfull to leave any meeting new … 3. Living Your Life Mission In last week's article (http://www.whatittakes.com/Archive/Newsletter30to39/newsletter__36.shtml), I asserted that defining and living your life mission can in fact make it easier to attract your ideal relationship. That's because simply living your life mission automatically attracts your ideal partner.Sounds simple, right? Well it is and it isn't. It's simple because people who are compatible with you will be drawn to you. But living your life … 4. Women Are Not Aliens One of the very worst mistakes a man can make with women is to believe that she's an alien creature of some sort. By this I mean that it's a mistake to view women from the stance that she's an entirely different sort of being in every way possible. This simply is not true. Women are different in many ways, but basically men and women are very similar. Everyone has the same basic needs.Physical needs, such as food and water, of course, are vital t… |