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an interesting phenomenon. They come in several variations like haveta, gotta, needto.also sometimes referred to as 'hate-tos'. These 'havetos' seem to invade our daily life. First, try listening to others to notice how often they say this. Then listen to yourself as well. I think you'll be surprised. The connotation of 'haveto' makes me tired just to say it. It implies that I'm doing something I don't want to do. It implies that I'm being pressured by external sources, instead of inspired and motivated internally. It implies that I might push back. It implies that I will procrastinate. It implies that I won't be happy while I'm doing it. But 'havetos' are not necessarily the bad things that we make them out to be. 'Havetos' can be your friends, if you are using them in a way that works FOR you instead of against you. 'Havetos' relate to what you want in your life. I got up from my computer this morning, and mumbled 'I have to go water the flowers.' Now that's not exactly the truth. I do have options: 1. Let them die. 2. Install an automatic watering system. 3. Pay someone else to do it for me. 4. Delegate the job to someone else in the household. 5. Don't plant flowers in the first place. My point is that IF I want flowers, I may 'have to' water them, but that is part of the bigger picture. It's not a do or die situation. It's my choice. You might say 'I have to go buy groceries', or 'I have to take out the trash', or 'I have to brush my teeth'. Those may not be things that are enjoyable to you, but you don't really HAVE to do any of them. You may alienate members of your family, coworkers, or friends if you don't do them. But then.that's the bigger picture, isn't it? The 'haveto' is a direct reflection of what you want. We all have 'havetos' that aren't particularly thrilling in our life.doing the breakfast dishes, running errands, paying bills, maybe mowing the lawn, and especially that once a year tax aggravation. But what if, instead, we look at the bigger picture, instead of just the 'have to' itself. For example, 'I have to do the breakfast dishes.' Yes, I have to, IF I want a clean sink, and IF I want clean dishes to eat off of again. I consider this my contribution to a happy household. I consider it a role or responsibility that I negotiated, and that I accept as part of obtaining my ultimate goal.having a happy, comfortable family life. I also 'have-to' market my business.definitely not the most fun I ever had. But if I want the business, if I want the customers, if I want to make my living this way, then I 'have-to' do the marketing. But again I have options: 1. I can let go of the business. 2. I can hire someone to help me. 3. I can delegate the job to another person in the business. A friend recently said to me 'I can't go to the movies with you, I have to pay the rent.' Does she really 'have-to' pay the rent? No. She too has options: 1. She could move to a cheaper place so that she has extra money. 2. She could get a better job. 3. She could mooch off her friends. The point is that she is making choices about how she spends her money, and about how that money gives her the most pleasure. It's not that she 'can't' go to the movies.it's that the higher goal (living in the house she wants) gives her more pleasure than the movies. 'Have-tos' are a part of life. Instead of looking at them as drudgery, or work, or struggle, remember to consider the bigger picture.
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Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker Confessions of a Professional Matchmaker Don't make these mistakes when searching for love online!'I spent my life searching for the perfect woman. I finally found her but alas, she was searching for the perfect man.' Anonymous.I was a professional matchmaker for several years - trying to help singles meet others with whom they shared common interests and complementary personality traits. I met with my clients in person and they were screened t… 2. Does It Matter What You Wear? Of course it does! We want to be appropriately and comfortably dressed so it isn’t distracting. How can you court your honey when your shirt collar is choking you? your waistband is too tight? How can you represent your client if the judge doesn’t allow women lawyers to appear in court in pants? How can you enjoy touring the Turtle Farm on Barbados when it’s 95 degrees and you’ve got on polyester slacks? How can you work the Trade Show when your … 3. Just Say "No" I used to put everyone else’s requests and needs first and if there was any time left over at the end of the day for what I needed and wanted to do, that was acceptable -- until I began to realize that if you and I are going to have fun and be effective in our lives,we have to stay away from allocating our time solely on the basis of those who demand it. Instead, we have to allocate our time on the basis of those who deserve it.I don't mean this … 4. Road Map Of Life If you were going to drive to somewhere unfamiliar -whether cross country or just across the city - whatwould be the first thing you would do? Map it out?And then after you mapped it out, would you neverlook at the map again? Not likely.More likely, you would refer to the map often, to makesure that you were on the right track. You would beable to tell quickly if you needed to make adjustments,correct a mistake, or consider a change of plans.Post… |