Why We Choose The People We LoveGet Advice from Take our Word.com on take-our-word.com. Why We Choose The People We Love topic will increase your understanding on Advice from Take our Word.com. We at take-our-word.com only provide news, articles, information in Advice from Take our Word.com. Advice from Take our Word.com at take-our-word.com provides the most up to date news and articles. If you have questions please do not hesitate to contact us.
“Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” George Santayana “Why do I always wind up with the wrong person? I want someone who is kind, loving, reliable and open. Yet my relationships are always with men who are angry, hostile, emotionally unavailable and cannot keep a job.” “I want a woman who is emotionally stable and independent, but I always wind up with women who are overly dramatic, tend to hysteria and depend on me to make their decisions.” These are common problems brought to me by clients. They blame bad luck, coincidence or accident for winding up with the exact opposite of the type of person they say they prefer in a relationship. One very attractive female marketing manager in her mid thirties agonized - “If I went to a party and there were fifty men in the room - and 49 were college graduates who were business or professional men - and the 50th was a high-school dropout with a felony police record - number 50 and I would somehow find each other.” We make our relationship choices based on life experiences accumulated from childhood. We subconsciously integrate these experiences and react from them to current situations. Children’s psyches are like unwritten slates. The messages we receive from our parents are stored upon them as if etched in stone. We internalize these messages and accept them without question as we mature because in the child’s mind, mommy and daddy - who are our ultimate authority figures - said it is so! When a little girl has a father who is physically present but emotionally absent and does not provide her with the love and nurturing she needs, she will grow up with a big empty space in her heart where that love should have been. The message - although unspoken - tells her that she is not important and not deserving of love. This little girl will subconsciously seek a man with her father’s rejecting characteristics - so she can relive her initial relationship - and this time she will win. When a little boy grows up with a weak and dependent mother who increasingly leans on him in his father’s absence, he is put in an adult situation inappropriate to his years. Although in manhood he states he resents female dependency, he is used to taking the role of rescuer and naturally will gravitate to women with emotional broken wings that need fixing. In our adult relationships, we seek to create situations in which we are comfortable - regardless of their dysfunctionality. If you grew up in a chaotic home, you will subconsciously tend to chaotic relationships. Our home environment, how we were raised, is what we consider normal. Our adult relationships follow a pattern. A simple exercise will reveal that pattern to you. Write the names of all of the people with whom you have had a significant relationship. Under each name, list all the negative characteristics you can remember - for instance: bad temper, continually late for dates, poor money manager, etc. After you have completed your list, review the character traits that are shared by your dating partners. Circle or yellow high-lite these recurring traits and you will see the emergence of a pattern. While discussing the concept of this article with a friend, she was motivated to make the list and was uncomfortable with the fact that these traits stood out among her three past serious relationships: aggressive personality, alcoholism, and emotional unavailability. I helped my friend work thru her feelings about this new realization as I did with my clients. Awareness of the pattern is the first step to changing it. Talking about it with a therapist or trusted friend is the next important step because you are then exposing this destructive pattern to the light and can carry this awareness with you when you begin your next relationship. Be assured - patterns are not etched in stone. They can be changed with awareness and work.
|
Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Father's Day is Special! Father's Day is Special!What makes Father's Day so special isthat it IS one of only a few days that is really ONLY about your Dad. Most other holidays, Dad gets left out,or taken for granted!Dad does not often get the chance to take center stage, to be the star.Sure we would miss him if he wasn't there, but he is just expected to be competent and make sure things workas they should.Things like carving the Turkey, making sure the BBQ is working, c… 2. Trick Or Treat - Is This Make-Believe Or The Real Thing? 'I'll call you this week'. 'Yes, I'd love to see you again'. 'I had a great time'. 'I'm not interested in dating anyone else'. 'I think I'm falling in love with you.'These are a few of the phrases passed between singles as they move through the stages of meeting and dating. At the time, they are uttered with what feels like true emotion and honesty. No wonder the person they are directed to is so confused when the call never comes, the person bec… 3. Homeowner Advice: Kiss Your Keys Goodbye! I always like to hear about new ideas that really work well, are easy to implement, and not expensive. Here’s one that is so simple, you’ll wonder why more people don’t do it, that is install a digital door lock on the doors in your house. Hey, these work great on cars—why not houses?A digital door lock is simply a fancy name for a pushbutton, combination, or keyless entry lock. With a digital door, you won’t have to risk your keys will be lost, … 4. Do You Practice Active Decision Making? Many years ago when I was young and callow, I receivedan invitation to attend a 'Decision-Makers' conference.Trouble was, I couldn't make up my mind whether to goor not. I didn't.As the French proverb says, 'Between two stools, yousit on the floor.'Like a great many people before and after me, I had tolearn the hard way to actively take control of my life.Prevarication is a poor master, but one that will ruleyou with a rod of iron if you don't ch… |